A small piece of Passover Torah, and warm wishes for a meaningful holiday!

דַּבְּר֗וּ אֶל־כָּל־עֲדַ֤ת יִשְׂרָאֵל֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר בֶּֽעָשֹׂ֖ר לַחֹ֣דֶשׁ הַזֶּ֑ה וְיִקְח֣וּ לָהֶ֗ם אִ֛ישׁ שֶׂ֥ה לְבֵית־אָבֹ֖ת שֶׂ֥ה לַבָּֽיִת:

Exodus 12:3

Judy has ended her Shiva, taking a walk after minyan.  Once again for us, we have observed what can only be described as an atypical shiva: no guests, no non-Zoom minyanim in the house, no bagels or baked goods.  Our Passover preparations mostly distracted from the intensity of an ordinary shiva.

In thinking about how everyone online has been discussing and remarking on how unusual (and for many, uncomfortable they anticipate) this Seder night will be, I want to make a historical, or if not strictly historical (in case the Exodus from Egypt never happened) a slightly more positive literary connection.

In the commandment to Moses about how to instruct the Israelites to observe the first Passover night in Egypt (the Hebrew text at the top), God instructs Moshe, "Speak to the whole assembly of Israel, saying, on the 10th of this month, you should each take a lamb (or kid) for each family household, for each dwelling." This was to prepare for the last of the ten plagues, the slaying of the Egyptian first born.  Make a meal for yourselves and stay inside.  Everyone in their own house. It's going to be dangerous outside that night.

This year's Seder eve may be the closest any of us has ever come to reenacting exactly what our ancestors might have experienced that night in Egypt.  I know we all have skits, and songs and readings that we bring to our Seder to try and make the night meaningful.  Our gatherings of congregations, communities, extended family that we're used to attending on the evening of Passover is not what the Torah originally envisioned.  We were to be ready to travel, but until that time, stay in your house, don't let anyone in, prepare enough food and wait for further instructions; isn't that what we are all doing tonight?

I imagine there was anxiety, fear, a sense of not knowing what was coming next.  This Passover may be the Passover where we truly understand what our ancestors thought and felt, as they prepared for the unknown, not knowing when or where they would be leaving, what their destination would be, and how long it would take to get there.

As we prepare for Passover in these days of quarantine and stay-at-home orders, may we appreciate the comforts of home, the ability to still communicate with those outside our homes by whatever means, and look forward, in the most sincere and empathetic way we have maybe ever been permitted to experience, the true miracle of our liberation and nationhood.  I will miss our usual gathering of loving family and framily these Seder nights, but I look forward to our liberation from these conditions and to seeing everyone bimheirah b'yameinu, speedily in our days, in close physical space.

לשנה הבאה בירושלים - חג כשר ושמח לכולם

Next Year in Jerusalem - A Happy Passover to Everyone!

Tradition, Mourning, Grieving and Shiva in 2020 – How did you COVID Today?

For most of the last 59 years, I can say I’m a pretty traditional Jew.  I grew up going to synagogue, Jewish preschool and Jewish Day School, attended and staffed youth groups and summer camps.  I regularly go to synagogue and I’m a career Jewish professional.  I was pretty sure I had experienced most of what Jewish ritual has to offer.  I’ve been a witness at weddings and divorces, led shiva and other minyanim, served as High Holiday clergy for 25 years, attended brit milah as a participant, spectator and sandek for my grandson, led s’darim at Passover, officiated at B’nai Mitzvah and baby namings.  Today was something new.  Today I participated in a funeral in the age of COVID-19.

I’ve been part of a Zoom morning minyan for the last three weeks.  I’m preparing to welcome my High Holiday congregants to join me via Zoom at my Seder Wednesday night (a first for me using a device on a holiday).  This afternoon we buried my father in law, who died just before his 92^nd birthday.  He had suffered from an extended illness, and went to the hospital last week, for what we thought was a stomach virus.  By early in the week he tested positive for COVID-19, likely (and ironically) introduced to him by one of his several in home health care aides in the last few weeks, as he hadn’t left the house for probably 2 months prior.  We were, of course, unable to visit him in the hospital, and he died there yesterday.

There were seven of us graveside, I suspect the representative of the funeral home was not Jewish, so six Jews.  My wife and I, my sister in law, mother in law, our elder daughter and our rabbi. We were standing about 10 feet apart. The sun was shining and the wind was blowing. On the phone, one of my wife’s first cousins in California, and on Zoom on our daughter’s phone our younger daughter, son in law and grandson, and more nieces and nephews of my father in law.  The Rabbi read a couple of familiar psalms, spoke knowingly of my father in law, we brought our own gloves and shovels (and hand sanitizer – the new k’dusha of cleansing) and covered the aron (casket) with dirt, chanted the memorial prayer, el maleh rachamim (the God full of compassion) and said kaddish.  It was all familiar and different at the same time.

There was no hugging, touching hands or patting shoulders.  Three of the seven in attendance wore protective masks.  It was not possible to form lines for the mourners to walk through.  Really, until today I was pretty sure I’d participated in every Jewish ritual, mikveh, taharah (not sh’chitah though), milah, kabbalat Torah.  Today’s funeral, and the solitary shiva that follows are all new rituals to this middle-aged Jew.  The good news is no new chametz is coming into the house before Passover. On the other hand, Passover is still coming.  To be continued …

Grandpa

It’s odd to write a speech knowing it will have no audience. I guess in 2020 that makes this a post. 

I was Grandpa's favorite  granddaughter. There were only 2 very good choices but we both admit that Grandpa and I had a special relationship. 

As a young child I spent a lot of time with my grandfather. He was a man who liked process and doing things carefully, a step by step kind of a guy. I was not that kind of child, and yet we found a way to make it work. We partook in many multi-step activities; it requires much patience on my part and now I can take the perspective to see how much patience it took on my grandfather's part. 

I learned how to make fish prints laying out the news paper, ironing a shirt flat, painting the rubber fish, placing it carefully, pressing it down and removing it following all directions and working slowly. Grandpa felt it was important to set the table for the tea party before filling the cups with water. 

As I grew up my grandfather took a lot of pride in my education and career but he took the most pride and interest in my Mat. Mat and Grandpa could and did talk for hours about their professions, about engineering, about steam tables and somewhere there I really stopped understanding. 

As Grandpa became older our time together certainly changed but Mat always continued to have the patience for the conversations detailing how things were doing, step by step, even helping Grandpa in and out of our home one step at a time, patiently. 

I always said that of all my grandparents I was the closest with grandpa and I think that is true but a lot changed as Grandpa aged. But there were certain things that never changed. 

Grandpa always wanted us to live life and use each thing he gave us “in good health”. He once gave Abby 200 string cheeses and said "use it in good health". The irony is not lost on me that I am unable to be at his funeral to live life “in good health.” Grandpa wanted so badly for everyone to live a healthy life and it gives me some assurance knowing he does not have to continue his life any longer in poor health. 

A similar constant in grandpas 91 years was his love and pride for his family. Grandpa kept in close touch with his Aunt Miriam until she passed at 99 and made sure his granddaughters got to know his family. Grandpa did not have a large immediate family but we did all family events and activities with Grandma and Grandpa. As Mat and I started our own little offshoot, it was incredibly special that Grandpa was able to be with us in the room when we named Benji. Grandpa who often couldn’t hear or couldn’t see was able to hear clearly that day when we gave Benji such a significant family name. Grandpa even did his best to smile. 

The expression "stand by your side" could not be more true for any two people besides my Grandma and Grandpa. My Grandma quite literally sat or stood by my Grandpa's side for a whole lot of years (62 and a half years). My Grandpa was not always easy to care for but not only did my Grandma do it, but she did it patiently and kindly. No one should have to be alone especially not in a moment of loss. My Grandma stood by my Grandpa's side all the time and does not deserve to stand alone. I joked with Grandma that for her 90th birthday there was a pandemic because she had never had one before. I wish so badly that you could have lived your whole life without one. While we can’t send food (because of Pesach) or stand by you because of a pandemic, we will do the next best thing. We will video call our smiling Benji in to your home so you will not be alone. He can’t stand yet but he can certainly be by your (virtual) side. 

Grandpa I’m so glad I gave you all the extra pie, cookies, and sweets everyone told you not to have. Know it made those moments just a little sweeter.

Michelle