For most of the last 59 years, I can say I’m a pretty
traditional Jew. I grew up going to
synagogue, Jewish preschool and Jewish Day School, attended and staffed youth
groups and summer camps. I regularly go
to synagogue and I’m a career Jewish professional. I was pretty sure I had experienced most of
what Jewish ritual has to offer. I’ve
been a witness at weddings and divorces, led shiva and other minyanim, served
as High Holiday clergy for 25 years, attended brit milah as a participant,
spectator and sandek for my grandson, led s’darim at Passover, officiated at B’nai
Mitzvah and baby namings. Today was
something new. Today I participated in a
funeral in the age of COVID-19.
I’ve been part of a Zoom morning minyan for the last three
weeks. I’m preparing to welcome my High
Holiday congregants to join me via Zoom at my Seder Wednesday night (a first
for me using a device on a holiday).
This afternoon we buried my father in law, who died just before his 92nd
birthday. He had suffered from an
extended illness, and went to the hospital last week, for what we thought was a
stomach virus. By early in the week he
tested positive for COVID-19, likely (and ironically) introduced to him by one
of his several in home health care aides in the last few weeks, as he hadn’t
left the house for probably 2 months prior.
We were, of course, unable to visit him in the hospital, and he died
there yesterday.
There were seven of us graveside, I suspect the
representative of the funeral home was not Jewish, so six Jews. My wife and I, my sister in law, mother in
law, our elder daughter and our rabbi. We were standing about 10 feet apart.
The sun was shining and the wind was blowing. On the phone, one of my wife’s
first cousins in California, and on Zoom on our daughter’s phone our younger
daughter, son in law and grandson, and more nieces and nephews of my father in
law. The Rabbi read a couple of familiar
psalms, spoke knowingly of my father in law, we brought our own gloves and
shovels (and hand sanitizer – the new k’dusha of cleansing) and covered
the aron (casket) with dirt, chanted the memorial prayer, el maleh rachamim
(the God full of compassion) and said kaddish. It was all familiar and different at the same
time.
There was no hugging, touching hands or patting
shoulders. Three of the seven in attendance
wore protective masks. It was not
possible to form lines for the mourners to walk through. Really, until today I was pretty sure I’d
participated in every Jewish ritual, mikveh, taharah (not sh’chitah
though), milah, kabbalat Torah.
Today’s funeral, and the solitary shiva that follows are all new
rituals to this middle-aged Jew. The
good news is no new chametz is coming into the house before Passover. On
the other hand, Passover is still coming.
To be continued …
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